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Nikki

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October 3rd, 2008

Well, this is lengthy.

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Think about it from my point of view, I live, work, eat, sleep, socialise (and fuck it, shag too, as thats all we're about here) at PGL. My life REVOLVES around PGL. Everything I speak about has something to do with it, of course I didn't speak about anything else! What else have I to speak about? You try being institutionalized and then finding a topic that doesn't involve that institution. You try making friends who you see all day every day, who you work with, live with, and everything else with and trying to tell you something about your life that doesn't include them. I missed pgl like fuck, it's a completely different lifestyle that you could not understand and would not try to understand. I felt like a complete and utter stranger. You guys have forgotten me even, as petty as it sounds, one of you even turned around and asked if I liked Lazytown, ffs I'm meant to have been your friend for that long yet you don't remember that, how could I not like it, it was all you ever went on about.


Not miss you? I called you all at least once a fucking week since I got here. You never returned me that favour. Not once. I fucking NEEDED you all through August, all the past month, yet you never bothered to even text me to say "We're busy". Once, yes one measly time, you answered and said you'd call back another day (Lauren and Kathryn, this was you going to Rikki's video game night thing, remember that? I do, last time I spoke to either of you), and you didn't. My so-called best fucking friend contacted me once whilst she was at Reading, the minute I told her it was me she didn't get in contact again, said she would, but she didn't. It feels nice to be blatantly ignored. I needed people I could trust to speak to, people not in the situation, the few ties holding me to my 'home'town, and you all just stopped talking to me. If I hadn't have posted the post, how long would it have been before you remembered me? It'd been two months already, so maybe three? Four?


Over the past year you've only replied to two of my posts I believe. This one, and remember when I posted that huge long post and right at the end I had one line asking if you would visit? You defended yourself so valiantly, until I pointed out that you'd travelled gods know how long on a coach to Canterbury to see one of your friends, why couldn't you do the same for another. All I'd anted was a simple yes/no answer, not a fucking huge long reasoning as to why, because your excuses mean shit to me. No money? I earn £80 a WEEK. You earn that in a couple of days? No time? I have one day off a week. I work more hours than you all do together probably but I still find time for people who mean something to me. I didn't care that you couldn't come visit, what pissed me off was the fact that you kept making stupid excuses.


Now onto Kathryn's little comment here. A bit rubbish? More like shit tbh. Hurt that YOU were replaced? Er excuse me! Who's replacing who here? The minute I leave Hannah becomes your new best mate. I sat there listening to you for hours, you never spoke about current goings on, you spoke about lazytown, boosh, general stuff that is general conversation, I did ask you all how you were, how uni was and got responses, that was that, you can't say I wasn't interested. I've made lifelong friends here, just like I thought I had in you lot, but I didn't.


One thing I remember from nights out with you was that you always called Sarah and Jamie, you never did anything like that to me when I left? It's quite obvious that you categorise your friends, I'm not naive and know I'm not considered that important. You all say that you have time for me, but you don't. I was the only person making an effort in staying in contact, and I pretty much gave up a while ago.


Have good lives, maybe I'll see you again, but I doubt it, I'm not staying in the UK for much longer. Goodbye.

September 21st, 2008

(no subject)

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I know you don't like the fact that I hated being back in Essex, but I do. It's been nearly two months since I actually spoke to any of you except Nick and that's not for lack of trying on my behalf, though I admit I gave up trying since I went back to Clacton at the beginning of this month. I have a feeling this is because of me stating the obvious at the music fest back in August. I'm not going to pretend to be happy in Essex as I'm not and I won't be when I get back, it is nothing to do with you guys as I appreciated the company, it's just not home anymore and I hate it. And being honest, I felt somewhat uncomfortable around you guys because you're so clicky, be away for a while and you miss out on so much that you just can't fit into the little group anymore, I felt like you were all speaking a different language as I sat there, like an outsider really. The prospect of coming back seems so much darker without you guys being about, but I see no point in making an effort when you haven't bothered to return me the favour.

So yeah, this is my blog being discontinued. Have fun you lot, you're awesome people, but I give up trying completely now, you have lives to contend with, and there's not time to include me obviously.

Au revoir x


btw, if you can sell that Boosh ticket that'd be awesome, give the money to Nick or something for me.

September 17th, 2008

Ow.

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I'm a complete baby. I got my catilidge pierced finally, but it throbs =[ Also went on a hair cutting spree and dyed it again too. I now looked like a butch lesbian apparts, but oh well! XD

Aaron is back tonight and I have my room to myself and a key for it. Yay! Lol. Gotta tidy my room, stuff Soph's stuff under her bed and then hoover and do my washing. Busy night for me. My day off was yesterday but I went to shrew with Mark, which was really nice actually =] We both got our hair cut together [lol] and then had a few pints at the York and chatted to a drunk and got a Monkey Buisiness smoothie and yeah, good day! Then rock night last night too was ace! Spent a lot of money yesterday, whoops. Oh well.

45 days until my last day. O_O.

September 16th, 2008

And...

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Why is it that leaving can either make or break people? I never really spoke to Howard before he left and now I always chat to him, he's awesome. And vice versa on the statement too!

6 months today

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The time for going back to Essex is coming closer every moment. It terrifies me. I love it here and I don't want to leave, I know thats not feasible and I'll be back with PGL in Feb/March, but I don't like the idea of going back to start with. Getting a job, hopefully a night job like stocking shelves at Morrisons, boring but the money is worth it. I need to raise as much money for next season as possible, so that I can buy a car too. And the idea of having two days off a week is really odd! I'll be able to go visit people! It's quite cool though. I'm glad my best mates here live relatively close to me in terms of our after-PGL addresses! XD And I'll be earning actual money! Don't get me wrong, love my job, but £320 a month is difficult to live on, and though I'll be earning more next year, I'll be taking home les after my car O_o

Yesterday was an amazing day, I was quite chilled all day and had tonnes of fun. Got very wet too haha. Gotta love Phil's crazy workshops! Build a bridge but we failed the task of paying attention to instructions (blame Theo XD) so we had to mexican wave into the water. Fun stuff!

Karl spent a lot of last night warning me away from Aaron again, tbh, I don't care if he's using me, because I'm getting what I want at the end of the day, spending some time with him and having some fun, yeah I'll be hurt when he tells me he dosn't want it anymore when we leave but oh well, for now it's fine with me! Me and Karl had a long convo yesterday, it was entertaining. Apparently I was weird as fuck when I got here, but now I'm "alright and quite cool" XD Karl was on my first training course but had to leave when he got ill then came back later. He reckons that PGL has changed me a lot from back then, and I agree, changed for the better. I'm still strange but people just leave me to it, and they people I care about respect me for it lol.

I've been here for six months now, only got 6 weeks left. I come back at the end of October. First thing i'm doing? Finding Happy at Essex Uni, going out on the pisser (on my behalf anyways, silly straight edge) and siging PGL songs at gods knows what time in the morn. Bertrand Tower Flat [something], I'll find her easily XD

Oh, and I fund out that Mike has joined a scieno camp and is paid £30 a month O_O That disturbs me.

September 12th, 2008

(no subject)

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Gash was amaze. Very fun. We got told off for the kids being noisy from our senbiors at 9:30, Jay got told off for not wearing "proper uniform" (just got our BP 08 hoodies the other day and everybody is wearing them) and also for bringing his devil sticks to night duty, lol. I was poi-ing it up with a head torch and lanyard (pretty difficult I must say!) and am going to download some bids to watch so I can learn more,as I love poi, it's so cool and relaxing at the same time, you can take your stress out in moments doing it.

Might be going to Shrew tonight to get a meal and have a few drinks in the local metal pub, it's awesome, the walls are handpainted with album art from bands like metallica and korn and they have a giant troll too XD I'm shortening my contract by a month to the 31st of October, going to get a couple of jobs to get moneys and buy a car and visit my mates all over. Happy will be 20 minutes away at the uni which is great! So I can get away from 'home' for a few nights and crash out on her floor every now and then. Windmill Hill now has a page on the PGL website and it looks amazing, I really want to go there, two and a half hours away from Essex so I can go back for a night and things like that on occasion (probs not often tbh, I do hate Essex). I don't want to lose everyone here, don't want me or them to leave, it sucks =[

Going to dinner now, back to finish my monologue soon...

Didn't eat much at dinner, just a few new potatoes, felt quite ill really :/ Had a food forum this afternoon, that was interesting, quite fun too! Hopefully getting a later breakfast and things which would be nice, and a later dinner too, so we can have seconds and thirds and whatnot =] And I have a vengence against mushrooms. General vengence.

September 10th, 2008

Hockey Cockey

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I miss Mytra something Chronic, her beau spent last night in my bed and I just want my best-PGL-Friend back =[

So on the beau in bed thing, lols, fun stuff. There are rumours that we slept together, over the weekend, while I was in Clacton and him at BP. Because that makes sense. He got a new roomie, a returner the other day and came into my room at one thirty this morning, pissed as a fart saying "Nikki, can I stay on your floor as my roommate's brought back a girl..." So I told him to just stay on the other half of my double bed, as I never use it anyways. Now, according to the rumours, we've had rampant sex that could be heard downstairs in Courtyard... I must've been s off my face that I didn't remember that, and considering I haven't drunken much in months that'd be a feat XD

I'm quite bored, need a shower but cba. Need food but cba to wash up from last time... Just generally cba tonight :/

Gash tomorrow with Jay in tents, fucking awesome XD

September 6th, 2008

Hm

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I'm back in Clacton and already quite bored. I don't think I'll ever get used to the 'back in Clacton' thing. I feel more isolated in a relatively big town than I do in 250 acre site 4miles from the nearest town at the moment. I might go back tomorrow instead of Monday, or relatively early on Monday morning. I'd be having a lot more entertaqinment wasting a day in Shrew or something now, but then I did need to go away and think about things without everyone there.

BORED. May go see Nan today, can't get hold of Emmaford either :/

September 3rd, 2008

EE

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Going back to Claccer's on Friday till Monday XD Should be fun lol Just gonna have a night in with D and her friends, hopefully see Tina, go see Nan and generally just spend quality time with my family, should be nice =]

September 2nd, 2008

Berg.

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I'm knackered indeed. Haven't gone to bed before 1am for a while now! And woke up well early this morn, which was weird :/ My hair is greasy as anything. I put Dax in it on Sunday night and have washed my hair 4 times since then and it STILL won't come out?! Shoot me!

I now have a double bed, and Soph will be getting one tomorrow. This is because on Sunday one of our roomies, Badger, left us to go home =[ Mytra leaves tomorrow and Hussey left on Sunday as well. Boyo left yesterday, Hamish and Simone left yesterday and y'know, everyone decent is leaving and it's horrible =[ Im gonna shorten my contract for a month but I'm not coming back, I'm going to visit Mytra before she goes to Aus and Brendan hopefully before he returns back to Aus. Then maybe I'll go back to Essex, get a job, bug Happy-GayHole before she goes home from uni and if things go okay then visiting Aaron too, and yeah generally doing whatever I can do to make a bit of cash for the beginning of next years season. I believe I'll be PGL-ing it again next year. Trying to work out which centre I want to go to but it's hard when some of the centers are brand new and therefore don't have any info about them online -_- I like the look of a place opening next year called Windmill Hill, looks good! I plan to get a car over Christmas so it's only a couple of hours away =]

I'm up well early today, coulda gone in for breakfast as well O_O Need a ciggi right now. I'm really going to miss Mytra, I miss Hussey like crazy right now, he's like my big little brother =[ What am I gonna do with everyone gone?! The whole crew is leaving one by one :( Nature of this job I s'pose.

Gonna get dressd and have a nice cigarette now, au revoir x
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